Learning from others...

Life is about learning different things... learning in the physical classroom, learning from the school of hard knocks, learning from your mistakes, learning from your belief systems,etc. But, how often do we truly learn from the mistakes of others? How many of us truly watch what others experience and modify our own behavior in order to avoid the hurt and pain that they've felt. I know many of us learned that we shouldn't touch hot things because they burn, we've learned not to run out in the street... you know the things that can cause physical harm and danger. But, do we learn to avoid the mental and emotional harm and danger from the mistakes of others?

In seven months I'll be getting married to a great guy, which I'm excited about but I'm also scared about. The concept of marriage is very intriguing to me, some last for years with limited problems others are over and done with before they could even send out thank you cards. In addition, life is so fleeting. Nothing is promised, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is truly set in stone... there are so many "what ifs" in life. The notion of the sudden lose of life is not foreign to me: 7/5/04 I lost my best friend, 7/30/09 a sister lost her husband, 12/7/09 a sister lost her mother... who's to say that I won't lose someone or my family won't lose me...

This blog isn't meant or intended to be morbid, but realistic... since Justin and I started having more serious conversations about getting married my dad has attempted to school me on the concept of marriage on a regular basis. Whenever the conversations start, I roll my eyes and breathe a heavy sigh... and simply reply, "Daddy, we've paid attention and learned what NOT to do". On January 16, 2010 my parents will celebrate their 27th wedding anniversary, however, their marriage hasn't been bliss always. I can't fake I've watched them have good times, great times, and hard times. I've thought to myself, I wouldn't do that in this situation or I would have done this in that situation, but as I matured and reflected on those thoughts, I can't say for sure if I would have done anything different.

However, one thing I can say, I have learned to pay A LOT of attention to my surroundings and evaluate what I will and won't accept in my future especially going into my marriage. I want my marriage to be open, passionate, and influential. I admire old couples who have endured the hardships of their relationship, the world around them and the issues that simply come with being human. And at the heart of all of this.... are you ready for the deep thought and skill needed... effective communication. This is something that I have learned from the marriages around me, the good, the bad and the ugly. If I haven't learned anything else that can protect me from emotional and mental harm, it's the value of effective communication. Unfortunately, I've learned the concept but I haven't learned to fully implement. I'm still learning and perfecting the use of my words to share my mind and heart with the people that I love. And as I learn, I have to learn the way the people around me communicate... I can't get mad if they don't understand me because I'm not speaking their language...

Still learning...