Who would have thought...

Over the past few years I have done a little bit of everything to celebrate the new year. But, despite being in different locations and doing different things, one thing was consistent, I had a great time spending it with people I love.

Years in Review:
'06 -- After an invite from @Drbemps, @mainedramapro and @biggtime3 and I traveled to NY to party in the Empire State Building. The attire was grown and sexy, which fit right into the campaign that the Fab 4 had spent the year promoting. @mainedramapro and I had driven to NY early to spend time with @drbemps at his place in Purchase, NY, @biggtime3 came up on New Year's Eve from NJ for the party. After grabbing a bite to eat, we began our trek into the city... that's when it went downhill... we drove around and around and around looking for a place to park before riding the train down. Despite the energy and excitement of partying in the empire state building for the New Year we were on the train when the ball dropped. HOWEVER, after spending money on tolls and train fare, I was going to have a good time. We didn't stay in the city too long, but @drbemps and I made the most of the night. Went back turned the music up, made smoothies and partied.... What was really interesting about this New Year was the convo I had had the week before with my mom... who knew I had a crush on @biggtime3. She asked if I was going to take advantage of the custom of kissing someone at midnight.. yeah, no... that wasn't going to happen.

'07 -- Again, a night with quality people and great fun, with a twist. After traveling to NJ to spend Christmas with @biggtime3's family, I traveled to NC to spend time with my family, with plans to be back by New Year's Eve. To celebrate, I invited about 10-12 friends over to my apartment for breakfast at 1am. This gave everyone the chance to worship at their respective places before we got together. On my way home from NC, I stopped at the grocery store to stock the fridge for all necessary ingredients for the breakfast. After LUGGING all the groceries and my luggage into the apartment I discovered that my refrigerator had broken during my time in NC. So, the food I had in the fridge.. ruined. The food I just purchased on the way to be ruined... But, with @drbemps by my side, we again make the most of it. After traveling BACK to the store, we make the patio the fridge for the night. Again, a night of music turned way up, friends laughing and joking and getting to know one another. Despite the craziness of the night, worship at church was great that night, the bonding with friends was great... and a major difference, I could have kissed @biggtime3 to ring in the New Year if I weren't at church and if he weren't at target.

'08 -- That New Year, was a chill one. @deriberry and I had driven in from NY. The holidays for this year were spread around in various states. Christmas in NC, few days in NJ after Christmas, then a train ride to NY for the new year. But, when the ball dropped I was in MD, sitting next to @biggtime3. We had breakfast, drank some cider and watched Dick Clark. Again, I great one, bonding, some laughs and a bit of frustration.

'09 -- In two hours the ball will drop, people will cheer, and the folks in Times Square will see that hypothermia wasn't worth it. However, I will experience another New Year with folks that I care about and share a few laughs. But, a major difference is this year... this year is the last year that I'll answer to Ms. Pinckney. This time next year, I'll ring in the new year with a new name and a new role. Even though, I don't expect to see too much change... but, I have to acknowledge that it may exist. But, who would have thought... three years ago, @biggtime3 was just a crush now he's the fiancee.

Happy New Year!!

Learning from others...

Life is about learning different things... learning in the physical classroom, learning from the school of hard knocks, learning from your mistakes, learning from your belief systems,etc. But, how often do we truly learn from the mistakes of others? How many of us truly watch what others experience and modify our own behavior in order to avoid the hurt and pain that they've felt. I know many of us learned that we shouldn't touch hot things because they burn, we've learned not to run out in the street... you know the things that can cause physical harm and danger. But, do we learn to avoid the mental and emotional harm and danger from the mistakes of others?

In seven months I'll be getting married to a great guy, which I'm excited about but I'm also scared about. The concept of marriage is very intriguing to me, some last for years with limited problems others are over and done with before they could even send out thank you cards. In addition, life is so fleeting. Nothing is promised, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is truly set in stone... there are so many "what ifs" in life. The notion of the sudden lose of life is not foreign to me: 7/5/04 I lost my best friend, 7/30/09 a sister lost her husband, 12/7/09 a sister lost her mother... who's to say that I won't lose someone or my family won't lose me...

This blog isn't meant or intended to be morbid, but realistic... since Justin and I started having more serious conversations about getting married my dad has attempted to school me on the concept of marriage on a regular basis. Whenever the conversations start, I roll my eyes and breathe a heavy sigh... and simply reply, "Daddy, we've paid attention and learned what NOT to do". On January 16, 2010 my parents will celebrate their 27th wedding anniversary, however, their marriage hasn't been bliss always. I can't fake I've watched them have good times, great times, and hard times. I've thought to myself, I wouldn't do that in this situation or I would have done this in that situation, but as I matured and reflected on those thoughts, I can't say for sure if I would have done anything different.

However, one thing I can say, I have learned to pay A LOT of attention to my surroundings and evaluate what I will and won't accept in my future especially going into my marriage. I want my marriage to be open, passionate, and influential. I admire old couples who have endured the hardships of their relationship, the world around them and the issues that simply come with being human. And at the heart of all of this.... are you ready for the deep thought and skill needed... effective communication. This is something that I have learned from the marriages around me, the good, the bad and the ugly. If I haven't learned anything else that can protect me from emotional and mental harm, it's the value of effective communication. Unfortunately, I've learned the concept but I haven't learned to fully implement. I'm still learning and perfecting the use of my words to share my mind and heart with the people that I love. And as I learn, I have to learn the way the people around me communicate... I can't get mad if they don't understand me because I'm not speaking their language...

Still learning...

The Last Time…

Today Justin and I loaded up his car to drive to NJ for Christmas. This is the second time in our relationship that I have woke up Christmas morning with the Davises. Last year, I spent Christmas in NC then continued my tour of the East Coast, NJ with the Davises, NY with Shaderi then back to MD for New Years Eve.

But, on to the topic at hand, since October 17th the proposal, I've heard that "this will be the last time you do this" or "this is the last time you do that" because in less than a year's time my life will be different. I understand that next Christmas I will answer to Mrs. Davis, members in the MAR region will have two RAMAs with the last name Davis, and I will have a new role in life, wife. But will this name change and additional role truly color my perception and outlook on life experiences? I recognize that I wont be able to have slumber parties at my house whenever I want, I will have another person's thoughts, feelings and opinions to consider when making decisions. But, will this change my life in such a way that everything I do between now and July 25th be the last time I do something? Yes, it will be the last time I experience these things as a "single lady" a la Beyonce, yes it will be the last time I fill out forms with a hypenated last name, but will my ideals, thoughts and mentality change that dramatically?

I'll have to see? catch you next Christmas for a year in review.

Brothers… The Movie

Last night, a few sisters and I went to see the movie Brothers. Interesting movie, overall anti-climatic, however it hit home with me in a completely different way. The synopsis of the film: One brother is killed during a military tour, his family is distraught and his brother fills in the void. The twist is that the military brother returns after the relationships with the living brother has occurred.

Again, anti-climatic, but watching the fictional experiences of the soldier was hard to take. I have a cousin who is like a brother to me. When we were younger we were called Scooter & Skeeter, you know the Muppet Babies characters. Despite living states away from each other we were inseparable. He is currently stationed in Afghanistan. This is just one of his many tours since the start of the war. Each time he has to leave state-side my heart aches. But, I can't imagine what his wife and children are going through when he has to leave.

I thought about my cousin a lot during this film. I thought about the experiences that he has shared with me, I thought about the family events that he'll and he has missed, I thought about the nightmares that he probably has and the images that he'll never forget. I thought about the fatigue that I hear in his voice and the lack of sleep that he gets. All these things made my heart hurt. Then I thought about what life will be like when he comes home. Will those images and nightmares impact his daily experiences? Will his family know how to respond when he doesn't act the way he did before he left? Will my relationship with him be as strong as it once was?

One thing I do know is, I can't wait to see him again! I can't wait for him to meet Justin, I'm sure that TLC isn't even happy with his threats via the computer of Justin. I expected and appreciated the threats, some things never change.

To the readers of this blog who have friends, family, etc in the military, I encourage you to pray for them, send them a card or e-mail periodically sharing with them things from home, love on them from a distance. Remind them that they have not been forgotten, if they have families here, do the same for them, love on them.

The End of the Road

On December 18,2009 i walked out of BWES probably for the last time. My school counseling internship has come to an end. I had an 8th grade teacher who said at the end of every class, " the clock on the wall says all good things must come to an end", I'm not sure if my internship was a good thing or not.

I learned somethings about myself as well as things that I want to do in the future. I've learned that:

*** I have no desire to work in an elementary school, but I will take a job at that level because being unemployed for another year isn't it!

*** I can attempt to make the most of any situation, but this year I seemed to come up with what seemed like a ZILLION reasons not to go to my internship. I think it's time for me to watch the Anatomy of Character by Pastor Battle again!

*** I love, repeat, LOVE black people. The community that I worked with during my internship differed greatly from the community that I taught in? But, as much as I love them, I hate what some of them are doing to their children. If you haven't seen, recognized or acknowledged generational curses in your life or those around you, start looking for them! I worked with families with baby mama drama, grandparents raising babies as their own, mothers with four and five kids by 24, etc. It hurt my heart, but helped empower me to do better in my own future as well as help me to see that helping the children REQUIRES helping the parents.

*** I don't handle too well people trying to play me for the fool. Or attempting to take my kindness for weakness. It makes me grow distant from you?

*** I can't wait to be a mommy! Well, I can wait? but working with the Pre-K students made it clear the value of parental involvement and taking time to practice certain skills with your children before they come to school.

Overall, I'm glad that it's finished. I appreciate what I learned about the school counseling profession and myself.

The Concept of Marriage

In the past several months the news has been filled with traumatic events, as usual. However, in recent weeks the drama with Tiger Woods has been in the forefront of visual and print media. As a result, the concept of marriage has also been up for debate. From the pages of tweets to radio commentary, the masses have had plenty to say. During this week alone I've heard some really disturbing ideas and feelings about marriage and the notion of cheating.

While driving into my internship I heard a radio show personality share the thoughts of a listener to this effect: "men will cheat because they do not benefit from marriage". I was disgusted! This guy had the audacity to say that only women get anything out of marriage? for real dude?!? After I called him a punk and glared at the dashboard, I realized that his mentality might be an extreme slant on the current view of marriage. It seems that the concept of marriage, even more the concept of commitment is more of a dirty word than the actual "four-letter" words that have become a norm. In 2009 I have attended five weddings so far with another one on deck, I know that these couples have gone through their own set of issues, their ups and downs, etc. but they have been committed to their respective relationships.

Why is this such a hard and foreign concept?!? We can't commit in relationships, cellphone plans, even car leases?

In the same broadcast, another listener expressed that since Tiger Woods makes so much money he shouldn't have gotten married because the money gives him the chance to do anything. Again, disgusted! Another radio personality made a quality statement in response though, does his money give him the right to throw out morality! That statement was the main reason for the blog? is our lack of morality as a culture the reason why 51% of marriages end in divorce? And for a bit of inside knowledge, that percentage is the same in the Christian community and doesn't include the flippant marriages of Hollywood So, readers what is it that's causing this lack of follow through? We can only sit back and blame it on mommy and daddy for so long, when will we accept responsibility for our own morality, commitment to a greater quality of life with someone else, and setting the standards for our children. Will the generational curses end with us? Or continue to multiply the strength of the disabling dysfunction that is divorce?

Make Marriage work? it's worth it!