Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Old Fashion?!?!?!

Over the past few months I've had conversations with different people about the current nature of male/female relationships. But, after a conversation with a good friend last night, shout out to DrBemps, we came to realize that we just might be old fashion. He is currently taking a class that focuses on the interactions of Black Males and Black Females, and during one class discussion, the concept of women asking me out became the topic of conversation. It was after his recap of the class discussion that we both realized that we might just be old fashion. It is the expectation that a guy approach a girl, that a guy pursue the girl as well as take charge. However, Dr. found that in his class this was far from the male perspective. The male perspective was that a girl should approach the guy, that everything should be dutch and a guy paying for the date is far from an option. Earlier this summer a female friend and I had a similar conversation. She was telling me about an experience she had on the metro, it went sorta like this... "he looked at her, she looked at him, he waited for her to approach, she hit me up on bbm to tell me about how whack he was for not being man enough to step to her"... end scene.

So, these two events combined with a few other casual discussions have led me to believe that I, along with a majority of my friends, may be old fashion. And by old fashion I mean, as a female I expect a male to approach me and make his intentions know, as a female I would feel weird about asking out a guy that I like, and... and that's just the way it is. Now, there are a few "gray area" situations... but the major one that I've seen is the transition from good friends to committed couple. This can deviate from the norm of.. guy approaches girl, girl sets standard of "hard to get", guy continues to pursue. Even though, I've experienced this transition first hand, there is still a certain level of male approach involved.

After taking two days to write this blog, my major question is... why has this "system" of dating, courtship, "talking", whatever you want to call it changed? Are the people 25+ really that different from those who are still in undergrad? Or has there been a break in communication from parents/guardians as to what a male should do in dating relationships? Or is this another issue in which our parents' practices and behaviors have impacted our behaviors, so we need to do some self-evaluations to change our mentality.



Comments and discussion are welcome!!!
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4 comments:

  1. VerdellSeptember 24, 2009 at 2:48 PM

    i think i'm a mix of the two. i don't think i would mind being approached by a lady. sometimes what women think is obvious is really not. if we knew, we would act. however, i think the way she does it has to be tasteful. i've been aggressively pursued before, and it was a mess. first, she just came on too strong. secondly, it just wasn't time yet. i knew she liked me, and i liked her. however, our friendship was barely a month old. i like to take things a little more slowly.

    this is something to keep in mind though: i think that if you want a man to take the lead, then you should let them take the imitative with the relationship. it actually is a great indicator of how they would be in the relationship. can they articulate their feelings? can they handle responsibility? you can learn a lot about a dude from how he approaches you.

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  2. MaineDramaSeptember 24, 2009 at 2:55 PM

    I think that you've hit the nail on the head. I think it's the generation in which we were brought up in. Most of my friends, my age, believe in that true courtship. Even the ones that aren't "saved" still think that it is for the man to pursue the woman. That's not to say that a woman can't make certain things known. But I should not have to constantly drop hints or run after you. We women like the feeling of being pursued.

    Do I think that we need to change it? No, but I do feel that we have to be a little more open, and that's just because of the way things are changing. Now, I will not give you my number at a gas station or answer to your "Aye Girl with the black shirt!" or "Aye 34C!" (And yes, someone did yell that out to me once). But some of our traditions could use a little loosening.

    Finally, I think it just speaks to where you are in life. Most of us who are serious about our relationship with God know the standard that we will accept and will not bend. Because I know the relationship I am supposed to have, I'm like, step up then!

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  3. JessicaOctober 2, 2009 at 9:17 PM

    i think women sometimes forget that men have egos, and most are not interested in bruising them. making eye contact on a train doesn't necessarily warrant a guy taking the risk of looking like a fool. especially if he gets rejected and has to stay on the train for 4 more stops!

    i do think men should show initiative, but at certain points, it's fine for women to show initiative as well. there's ways to do that without being too agressive.

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  4. Kara {Must-Have Boutique}October 6, 2009 at 11:19 PM

    It is soooo funny that you mention this! I too was called old fashioned the other day. LOL Some men out there (ones both older and younger than me) think exactly like you mentioned. They think women should pay for dates and pursue them... I don't get it. I think people are really taking these songs on the radio about independent women a little TOO seriously. They are fun to laugh at and cool but not to be taken literally. Going dutch? I mean really though??? That's whack. If you are in a relationship and want to treat your boo from time to time that's one thing- but women constantly paying for dates?
    I think women should put in some initiative but somethings are just a little too far... but should we get used to this? Is this where things are going?

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