Desire

I want to write! It seems like once a week I come to this page and just watch the cursor blink... blink... blink... blink. Yesterday's message at Zion about serving didn't help. I love writing "e-votionals", but that requires so much, and at this point in time I feel like I don't have it to give. Or, maybe now isn't the time. Actually, I know it isn't... I want too much from my writings and not always for the right reasons. But, I gotta get out this desire to put pen to paper, to release these words from my head, and maybe even spark some conversations.

Out of the mouth of babes...

Last week, I had the opportunity to pick up my nephew from DE on my way to NJ prior to leaving for the Davis family reunion in Detroit. During the ride, my nephew and I talked about a variety of things, nothing to deep... he's 9. But, despite standing at 5'1-5'2, which at times causes people to think he's older than he is, he said something that reminded me that he is still a little boy. We were having a conversation about him wanting siblings, and the fact that he was over having a little brother or sister because he doesn't want to share. The statement made me giggle, before saying that you'll have to share eventually, especially if you get married. His immediate response was, "then I won't get married, I don't want to share". This just made me laugh harder!

Nephew will out grow this, but his statement made me think about the mentality that I've heard/read on various media outlets and social networks sites about marriage being pointless, not necessary in society anymore, or the worst one, marriage only benefits women.As Justin and I prepare for our one-year anniversary, it makes me sad the number of people who are throwing away a fundamental element of families. Family stability makes a difference, I'm sure each of us can reflect back on our family system and see how it can influenced our values, beliefs, etc. simply because of the positive and negative elements that we've witnessed growing up. But, in reality, our selfish nature plays a role in how we respond to marriage. My nephew is a 9-year-old only child, he's used to being spoiled and not having to share, but again, he'll grow out of it, he'll watch his father's marriage and learn that compassion, service, love and sharing are all fundamental parts of not only marriage but many of our relationships and he will desire that for himself. And that's a lesson that all people who desire marriage either recognize prior to saying "I Do" or learn after spending money for a counselor to challenge them to be better at being a spouse.

So, if you want to get married and aren't in a relationship, love this time. Figure out your hot spots, your non-negotiables, and the things you just can't live without. Marriage is work, but just like working to get healthy has great rewards, so does working towards a healthy marriage.

Learning Curve

*** This is a blog that I've been intending to write since like Labor Day weekend, but alas, time has gotten away from me. ***

On May 26, 2011, I had PRK, a form of laser eye surgery. Laser eye surgery is something that I've been considering since it was first publicized for "normal" people in 1998. However, even at 16 common sense told me to continue to research and track how the procedure was received by the general public. Are people losing their vision unexpectedly, are eyeballs rolling around on cheeks, etc? Well, since that day, life has been different and I'm learning something new each day about experiences that I've been having for YEARS.

Before my procedure, I handed J my glasses for the final time. Since then, I have found myself adjusting my glasses, waking up panicked about having slept in my contacts by accident, and appreciating being able to watch tv without my glasses as I fall asleep. But, at the same time, I've marveled at common activities, such as exercising without my glasses flopping around as I jog, or daily grooming and being able to see while I'm in the shower, etc.

But, I can say that I'm even more excited about going to Cancun in a few weeks. I can't wait to experience previous activities, especially snorkeling, for the first time without wearing contacts. In the past, I've been so nervous about water getting into the goggles and losing a contact, which would possibly ruin my trip, that I couldn't take in all the sights. I'm excited about not having to fuss with glasses and contacts when thinking about what "look" I was going for when getting dressed for events. I've even invested money in getting more eye make-up, still don't consider myself a make-up person, but I'm making small steps to take advantage of being able to see!

With all these small changes, I have had to learn to make adjustments and I'm still learning that even old experiences will have a new spin. My vision is improving daily and I'm still in the healing process but I'm excited about the new sight and what the future will hold.

At times...

I wonder if I've made the right decisions. But, there's no going back, right? Maybe I shouldn't be in this Diagnosis class... I think I'm trying to treat a mental disorder that isn't there... or is that a disorder in itself.

Mind, would you just stop racing, going to the extremes and overanalyzing. Thanks, the rest of me...

Twitter Inspired...

Yesterday several tweets were posted that prompted this post. The first came from Jam Cal-Pin

DJDriftwood @BiggTime3 @dpinck1 when are you guys no longer considered newly weds?

And the second from a great friend, Maine

MaineDramaPro I luv @dpinck1! She knows so much abt me and still luvs me w/o judgment. that's showing God's luv. #greatfriend #randomtweet

I didn't get a chance to really answer Jam's question because twitter doesn't allow enough characters to fully express my thoughts on the topic. Although I did reply to his post indicating that this blog was on it's way. My immediate thought was that we will be a newlyweds forever! Everyday I get excited to come home to him, every time I see his wedding band I giggle like a school girl, every time I think of how our lives will change daily as a married couple as we learn one another more, as we are shaped daily into God's image for us as individuals as well as a couple I get excited. The idea of being his wife makes my cheeks hurt because of the smile that just stays on my face at the idea. I've shared about the crush I had on J, but I don't think I've shared the number of sisters who shared with me how much they liked him too. So, even now, I catch myself thinking, "I'm married to Justin Davis!" Which looking back on the late night conversations that I had with brothers and sisters as an undergrad discussing the notion of dating another member, J was always adamant about never dating a dove. When I remember his argument, it just makes me smile even more, because after years of friendship, he didn't see me as a "dove" anymore, I was a friend that he pursued to marriage.

To me, the daily challenge of learning one another, learning to be married, and using the mirror of marriage to make ourselves better is what will continue our status as newlyweds forever.

Now that second post, simply made me smile. But, after a few minutes I began to reflect (as I sat in traffic) on the quality friendships that I have with some great women. As I thought about the friendships that I have, I realized that they are truly random! I'm not sure where most of my friendships began and what pushed them further along to be as deep as they are? I have a running joke with a friend, Mel B, about not knowing where she came from, but with our friendship now, I wouldn't give her up for the world. The same with Maine, Nay, Joche, K-Mack, SRLaBoo, Thurston, Lindsey, Toyin and Deri... I can't necessarily pinpoint when our friendships moved from associates to friends, but I'm glad that they did. And even though, some of those friendships are deeper than others, and some have a different focus, they each make me better. They have each cause me to focus on myself to be a better person, to put aside some prideful thoughts/behaviors/etc. but if not for these relationships I can't say that I would be a wife right now, or a leader in ANQ, or the steps closer to Christ that I am. I appreciate and love them for being them and loving me enough to be me.

Moved in... well, sorta.

Over the weekend, Justin and I moved into our own apartment. For those of you who know how borderline OCD I am, I was concerned about the move. The notion of not having everything packed, in the living room and ready to go made me nervous. Especially with the idea of starting the move after the MART Quarterly conference... which was great, in my opinion by the way...

So, after staying up for many late nights during the week into the weekend. J and I are finally into our space. We're still sorting through some things, trying to figure out where things are going to go, etc. But, it's nice because we both know where things are. We created a system that works for us and we can begin to learn each other a bit better as a married couple. Today we get cable and internet, which is a big deal since I haven't had cable since July of 2009. And tomorrow we host dinner for our mothers who are coming into town. It's only been a few days but, I'm sure great memories will be created in our little slice of Laurel on Holly Creek Dr.

Be on the look out for a game night... as soon as we move the games from the place in College Park.

Much Needed Vacation...

I need a vacation! After waking up frantically this morning because my "beloved" <-- can you hear/read/see the sarcasm --> blackberry was in this weird state of not working, so my AM alarm didn't go off! As I drove into work, I realized that I would just like a few days to sleep in.. more importantly, I would like to sleep in without getting up and feeling guilty for sleeping in because of the amount of work that I need to get done.

Since July 25, 2010, I feel like I've been going and going and going, and I'm convinced that look is ONLY cute on that energizer bunny. I feel fatigued, worn out and I'm sure the redness of my eyes isn't sexy. I'm sure all of this will calm down once I get into a routine. But, I feel like I need the week off to organize my life, move into our new place, plan for a month of the school year, so I can just have my evenings to get to know my husband rather than falling asleep before he even gets home from class :'(

I just need to make it to winter break!